I have two bad weeks a year. And this is the start of the first bad week. For the most part, I am happy, jokey, laughy kind of person. The week after the birthday celebrations coincides with the start of school. I am not the “can’t wait for the kids to go back to school mom”. I wish summer was longer, I like the unstructured, easy pace, sleeping in. Bedtimes are flexible, treats are plenty and we have extra time together.
I am in a melancholy trough (great band name). If I think too much about first days of school, or life before school, or what is to come after high school, I get weepy. She was a baby a couple weeks ago right. It is going by too fast. Seeing a friends 2 year old, hearing her talking, in the cutest 2 year old way, makes me miss the under 5 times. Hanging out with Jack, who is still super helpful, likes to put on costumes and show off his legos makes me miss the under 10 times. Don’t get me wrong, I love everything about the 12 1/2 year old times, even the eye rolls and her tone when pointing out I don’t know what I am talking about. It is just another reminder that we are a handful of years away from her being an adult.
There is no way to stop the march of time, so I will do what I do. Make her favorite foods, get extra hugs when I can, while I can and wait till I am in the car to let the tears flow. She hates it when I cry and I really don’t want to make her feel badly or have my emotions control her actions.
The stress of the first few days of school, who will she sit with at lunch, will she have a friend she can trust, what if she doesn’t, what if she hates her teachers, what if…Usually about the time we start getting stuff together for our beach trip, life settles in, the trough goes away. The wave of relief washes the melancholy away. I am aware enough to know it’s not the end of the world, and know it will pass. It still doesn’t change how I feel.
For now, I need to get a box of tissues in the car.